One thing my wedding reminded me of, and that I see all the time in leadership, is that you cannot focus on everything. There are always more goals, challenges, and requests than you have time, energy, or budget for. If you are not intentional, the day (or the project) will decide for you.
Some leaders respond to this by quietly deciding not to decide: “If I cannot do everything, I will not aim for anything specific. I will just see how it goes.” I have seen this at work and at weddings: no clear goals, no real focus, and then a lot of rationalizing after the fact.
For my wedding, I tried to do it differently. I used a simple idea I had learned before: what you focus on becomes your outcomes, and your outcomes become your memories. So I went into the wedding with a few personal goals for how I wanted to show up and what I wanted the experience to feel like. My goals were grounded in three things:
- Relationships. I wanted to maintain healthy relationships with my family and friends before, during, and after the wedding. I had heard enough stories about weddings damaging relationships, and I did not want that to be our story.
- Authenticity and self-honoring. I wanted the wedding to feel like me: my styling, the visual feel of the ceremony and reception, and the guest experience. I wanted to feel at ease in my own event.
- Connection. I wanted real chances to connect with the people who showed up for us, not just wave at them across a crowded room.
Those goals became a filter. When I was unsure what to prioritize, I could ask: does this support relationships, authenticity, and connection, or work against them? They helped me decide where to spend money, when to ask for help, what to let go, and what to protect. Looking back, a lot of my favorite memories came directly from choices that lined up with those three goals.
The same is true in our careers. The quiet goals we set for ourselves shape the experience we actually have. Setting those goals asks us to be honest about what we want this season to feel like, what we can and cannot control, and whether we are willing to come back to those priorities when things get messy.
You do not need a formal document to do this. For the next project, season, or relationship in your life, try naming two or three simple goals for yourself, such as “Protect my peace,” “Build trust with this team,” or “Stay honest and open in my communication.”
Aim for what you want to remember. Over time, your focus becomes your choices, your choices become your outcomes, and your outcomes become your memories.
Have you ever set a clear intention for a season or project and noticed how it changed your experience?
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