Unpopular opinion: you should have friends from work.
Not people you’re friendly with. Friends. If you’ve put in seven or ten years somewhere and can’t name one, something’s off. Not necessarily with you. Maybe with how long you’ve been protecting yourself.
Yes, you can’t trust everybody at the office. Yes, you shouldn’t bring your full self to a job, not because it isn’t welcome, but because the job only pays for the job, and your full self is worth more than that. Yes, there’s business of yours that doesn’t belong at your desk, and business of theirs you don’t get to ask about just because you’re curious. Boundaries are real. I’m not arguing against them.
So why bring this up at all?
Because boundaries and friendship aren’t opposites. You can hold every one of those lines and still build something real.
I have. A close friend from nearly every job I’ve worked in the last decade. My closest friend from my first job out of school? Still one of my closest friends, full stop. We’re close enough that I’m close with one of her childhood friends too. What started as one work friendship grew into a small community, and it’s held for almost ten years, from that one job alone. Three people from a job in the for-profit sector stood in my wedding party. At my current role, I found out a coworker and I share a mutual friend, and that one overlap changed the whole relationship.
So what did it actually take?
Not a grand gesture. Intention. Lunch I didn’t have to take. Following up on the marathon someone mentioned training for, or the recipe they said they loved. Holding a door. Looking someone in the eye and actually saying good morning.
So why does any of that matter?
Because work friendships carry something specific. The person who’s watched you handle your worst Tuesday and your best win, in the same building, in real time. Who remembers when your first kid was born. Who remembers when you crushed that presentation. That’s a different kind of close.
Three ways to start one this week
Pick a single person, not a department, not “the team,” one specific coworker whose company you’ve noticed you enjoy. Follow up on something small they already told you: a race they’re training for, a show they mentioned, a kid’s birthday coming up. You’re not manufacturing a connection, you’re paying attention to one that’s already there. And take the lunch you didn’t have to take. Once. That’s the whole ask.
So what do you do with that? You don’t need everyone at work to be your friend. You may need just one, and one is a low enough bar that you can start today.
If you’ve got a work friend, or if I’m your work friend, and I have many, I’d love to hear the memory that proves it. Honestly, that’s one of my favorite things about being a recruiter. I get to be a lot of people’s first work friend.
I love helping people land the job. I love it more when they stay in it and like their life while they’re there. If that’s the kind of work you want help with too, that’s what I do. Visit my free resources page to start.